Wow Forces you must be pretty awesome to get me to write something that resembles smut-.-
Rating: PG-13 to R (the sex is a tad nebulous)
Isane could fix people. She could stitch up an epic warrior’s battle scars, or she could ease the pain of a small child who’d scraped his knee. All of the drugs, the poisons and antidotes, the remedies and maladies, the cures and illnesses and treatments. She’d spent most of her life learning them. The symptoms of a horrible disease, the critical state of a patient, when it came down to it she knew how to heal everything.
That is of course, besides the pain and self-hatred that writhed and burned in the pit of her stomach.
That feeling you get when even though you do everything right, you treat it as best you can, when the life leaves their bodies it hurts so bad. Wishing you could stop it.
Which is why every night it builds and she wakes and her feet carry her out to pace in the hallway, where she contemplates life and death and whether she could save them. But she is not a god.
Her guilty conscience leads her away from her little sister who looks up to her. How would Kiyone feel if she knew that her big sister couldn’t save them? Instead she is propelled to where her captain sits, watching the stars.
Isane stutters and looks at the tea that’s there, still steaming, two cups as if her appearance was preordained. Perhaps by the stars that Unohana is peering at so intently.
“Good evening Isane, sit down, the tea will calm your nerves.”
No surprise, Unohana knows everything too, but her understanding of how to heal is deeper. How too heal a dying will, a heart that is slowly building up its walls against the death that surrounds it.
“Um, Captain Unohana, c-can I ask you something?”
She curses the stutter that accompanies her would-be boldness. Unohana looks at her, nearly concerned.
“Of course Isane.”
She musters up the courage that’s there, lets it simmer, tries to put to words what she wants to ask.
Her throat tightens as she thinks about the death they deal with, no tears.
“How do you deal with it?”
Her eyes are too focused on not looking at her captain’s reaction to her vagueness to see Unohana’s eyes widen then soften again. Understanding.
Isane clenches every bit of her body, waiting to have to elaborate on a subject she herself didn’t understand.
“ I don’t.”
Isane glanced up at her, obvious surprise, “You don’t captain?”
Unohana settles back into her tea, taking a long sip and sighing before continuing the conversation.
“ In order to do what we do you have to look at human life objectively, life may end but the soul never dies.” Isane was not satisfied by such a cryptic and philosophical answer, not that she was going to tell Unohana that.
“Then how do you know if your alive or dead?”
It was not the right thing to say, she should have just quieted herself into a shell of timidity and sat there, pretending she’d understood. She was tired of pretending.
“When you watch life be lost all the time how can you hold it precious? It’s worthless! You can lose it so easily and there’s no way to-”
She stopped, hands clutching the fabric of her pajama pants, waiting for something to happen.
Her teeth dug into her lip in a meaningless effort, she tasted copper in her mouth, real pain, pain that can be fixed. Someone’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, her eyes widened, “C-captain Unohana!”
She was hushed quickly and soon comfortably leaned back into motherly warmth, laying in her lap like a small child. There was a long bit of silence, nothing but stars. “Do you think you’re alive?”
Isane thought for a second, “I’m not sure.”